Tänkte träna upp min engelska nu under sommaren. Har skrivit ihop denna berättelse till det syftet. Vore jätte tacksam om någon/några skulle kunna bedöma textens grammatik och meningsuppbyggnad samt betygsätta berättelsen utifrån dessa aspekter (G,VG,MVG). Berättelsen i säg och dess handling är inte det viktiga för min del, utan det är självaste språket jag använder och hur det flyter på.
Jag hoppas inte det är för mycket begärt, och är självklart tacksam för all hjälp jag kan få ![[smile]](/img/smilies/smile.gif)
In the corner of the Big State of Florida a small town slowly developed during the 20th century. Through that time it was not a society built on democratize, you could rather say it was built on a dictatorship. The big man with the wipe in his right hand was called John A Walson. He was the second oldest son in the grate family of Albert Walson. After the death of their father, James A Walson had to step in to the roll as the leader and take important decisions to lead the city into the right direction. Old as he was, nearly 50 years, and with the health he had, he just couldn’t stay to the commitment he had promised his father when lying on the hospital bed. The commitment was to lead the city until the day he took his last breath. That day didn’t come in a while but after leaving his post as the leader it was obvious that the next one on to be the leader was the oldest one after James A Walson. John A Walson took the stage with a big smile, leaving everyone thinking that the better days were on its way. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, not even close to what was going happen. During the first days the people were celebrating their brand new leader thinking he was the chosen one and the one to bring them freedom and happiness. To make a good impression he had to play along with them, looking happy and pretending that he was the one to bring them joy in life. But with the blood he had in his weins there couldn’t be any difference between him and his father or brother, in matter of fact the only thing that could be different was that he could turn out to be a worse and more terrible leader than them, something that didn’t occurred to the people so far.
As the time went on and the people returned to their daily life thinking everything was going to get better, John A Walson and his closest men had already made up a plan, a terrible and horrifying plan. Stupid and impatience as he was he couldn’t accept the fact that his little city was far behind in the development compared to the other cities around. The only thing he could come up with was to start build more buildings, schools, and to invest in a big and more advanced Police department. Nothing wrong with that many said, thinking that it was the only way to develop the city, and the way the other cities had made it to become bigger and greater.
So far so good he thought. Now he had to come up with an idée to convince the population that the best would be if they in some way could stay in the limits of what they financially could afford with. It sounded good the people thought, in matter of fact it was good, especially with the tiny economy the city had. But what they didn’t know was that their earlier leader had left a big amount of money stolen during a rising at his early thirties after him. This money was more and enough to what was going to be needed, but he John A Walson just kept it as a secret. The terrible and horrifying plan was to let the people work to build up the city instead of hiring people from other cities to work for them. This was also the way he explained how it was going to be when standing in the middle of the stage trying to encourage the people that better days was coming. But what he didn’t mention was that the people weren’t going to earn some money when working, instead it all was some kind of slavery work.
Skulle nog behöva lite hjälp med det svenska också![[sad]](/img/smilies/sad.gif)
kebu12:
Skulle nog behöva lite hjälp med det svenska också
kebu12:
Skulle nog behöva lite hjälp med det svenska också
vad för fel finner du ?
maralg:
vad för fel finner du ?
maralg:
jätte tacksam
maralg:
säg
Skummade bara igenom din text men det var en hel del stavfel och ganska dålig grammatik.
Du verkar ha en del problem med rätt ord, skiljetecken, formuleringar och stavning. Sådant är svårt att bli bättre på genom att bara skriva själv om ingen kan rätta dig. Vill du få bättre känsla för språket rekommenderar jag att du läser böcker på engelska.
In a corner of the Big State of Florida a small town slowly developed during the 20th century. Through that time it was not a society built on democratize ?, you could rather say it was built on a dictatorship. The big man with the whip in his right hand was called John A Walson. He was the second oldest son in the great family of Albert Walson. After the death of his father, James A Walson had to step in to the role as the leader and make important decisions to lead the city into the right direction. Old as he was, nearly 50 years old, and with poor health, he just couldn’t keep the promise he had made to his father on his deathbed. The promise was to lead the town until the day he took his last breath. That day didn’t come in a while but after leaving his post as the leader it was obvious that the next one on to be the leader was the oldest one after James A Walson. John A Walson took the stage with a big smile, leaving everyone thinking that the better days were on its way. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, not even close to what was going happen. During the first days the people were celebrating their brand new leader thinking he was the chosen one and the one to bring them freedom and happiness. To make a good impression he had to play along with them, looking happy and pretending that he was the one to bring them joy in life. But with the blood he had in his weins there couldn’t be any difference between him and his father or brother, in matter of fact the only thing that could be different was that he could turn out to be a worse and more terrible leader than them, something that didn’t occurred to the people so far.
As the time went on and the people returned to their daily life thinking everything was going to get better, John A Walson and his closest men had already made up a plan, a terrible and horrifying plan. Stupid and impatience as he was he couldn’t accept the fact that his little city was far behind in the development compared to the other cities around. The only thing he could come up with was to start build more buildings, schools, and to invest in a big and more advanced Police department. Nothing wrong with that many said, thinking that it was the only way to develop the city, and the way the other cities had made it to become bigger and greater.
So far so good he thought. Now he had to come up with an idée to convince the population that the best would be if they in some way could stay in the limits of what they financially could afford with. It sounded good the people thought, in matter of fact it was good, especially with the tiny economy the city had. But what they didn’t know was that their earlier leader had left a big amount of money stolen during a rising at his early thirties after him. This money was more and enough to what was going to be needed, but he John A Walson just kept it as a secret. The terrible and horrifying plan was to let the people work to build up the city instead of hiring people from other cities to work for them. This was also the way he explained how it was going to be when standing in the middle of the stage trying to encourage the people that better days was coming. But what he didn’t mention was that the people weren’t going to earn some money when working, instead it all was some kind of slavery work.
Nej nu orkar jag inte mer...
Nu orkar jag tyvärr inte läsa igenom och rätta din text, då jag troligtvis skulle mörda den (är bra på sådant), men jag ville ändå passa på att säga att jag är glad att se att det finns människor som faktiskt jobbar för att förbättra sina kunskaper inom områden där de är svaga - trots att det inte är något måste. Självförbättring är någonting beundransvärt.
